Someone asked me once, “Is it ok for my wife and I to watch sexually explicit video together to help ‘enhance’ our sexual intimacy?”
Short answer: No, it’s not Ok.
Longer answer: Let’s look at what Jesus said Himself . . .
Matthew 5:27-28 — “You have heard that it was said, ‘YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY’; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” NASU
Jesus transitions here from what the “letter of the law” said, (the physical act of sexual intercourse with someone to whom we are not married) to the “spirit of the law,” (the visual act of looking and becoming sexually aroused by someone to whom we are not married). Therefore, looking at any image other than your spouse to produce sexual arousal is “adultery of heart” according to Jesus.
Something else we need to understand is that pornography is very addictive. Science tells us that pornography affects the same part of the brain as a narcotic does. The addiction becomes a trap that over time destroys trust, security, and self worth within relationships. Only time will tell how many marriages will be destroyed by pornography.
Finally, Paul tells us in Ephesian 5:18, “Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit.
The context here is “control.” Just like drinking too much wine can allow alcohol to take control of your body, watching pornography can easily take control of you as well. Paul’s point is that we are to allow the Holy Spirit to fill/control us and not some other element whether ingested or yes, even visual.
A more important question than the one above may be, “Why is it that I think I need to look at someone other than my partner to be able to enjoy sexual intimacy with her/him?”
I thing the writer of Proverbs said it best in Proverbs 5:15-17
“Drink water from your own well—share your love only with your wife. Why spill the water of your springs in the streets, having sex with just anyone? You should reserve it for yourselves. Never share it with strangers.”