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Ask Dr. Ron — Do I really have to stay in a miserable marriage?

 

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ConsideIMG_7570_1024r this statement, “I’m miserable in my marriage. This can’t be what God wants for me because He would want me to be happy, right?”

First of all, let me say that you are not alone. There are many many married people who are presently “miserable” in their marriage. So, what are your options? Your first option is to do nothing and stay miserable. Second, you can throw in the towel and divorce your spouse. Third, you can take some steps to resolve the feeling of being “miserable.”

For the sake of time and space I want to address the second option of divorce as it is a very popular choice in our society today. You could choose to divorce your partner and thus rid yourself of that “miserable” existence.

Since God created marriage in the first place, let’s consider what He has to say about this option.

How does God feel about divorce?

For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel. . . .”(Mal 2:16) NASU

Then, Jesus in Matthew 19 reiterates His strong feelings about divorce.

Matt 19:3-7 — 3 Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?” 4 And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE, 5 and said, ‘FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH’? 6 “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” NASU

So, Jesus says the essence of God’s plan for marriage in general is for husbands and wives to stay together, much like the wedding vow . . . “til death do we part.”

For those times, however, when it just doesn’t seem possible to continue the marriage relationship the bible mentions two exceptions that allow for divorce:

The first exception is infidelity, which Jesus mentions, in the same passage. Matt 19:7-9 continues,

7 They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY?” 8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. 9 “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” NASU

The second exception is desertion, which is mentioned in Paul’s letter to the Corinthian church.

1 Cor 7:15 Yet if the
unbelieving one (husband or wife) leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.   NASU

One area of great concern in many marriages today is the area of abuse. When one partner is habitually abusing their marriage partner, in essence, the abuser has deserted or abandoned the marriage covenant. There is no verse in the Bible that tells the victim of abuse to stay in an unsafe environment.

The enemy of marriage, Satan, is all about “stealing, killing and destroying” in your marriage. Feeling “miserable” is not biblical cause for divorce, but he would like for you to feel that way. I believe that God can change the miserable feelings partners have in marriage. He wants to replace them with abundant contentment, joy and peace.

Jesus said in John 10:10b, “. . .but I have come to give you life, and give it to you in abundance.”

Why don’t you allow God to change your marriage from a “miserable” one to an “abundant one beginning today?”

Why not take that 3rd option I mentioned above and give us a call?